Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, “That’s wonderful – isn’t he smart?
What do you think he’s going to be when he grows older?”

The father replied, “From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!”

The Little Boy and the Duck!

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm.He was given a slngshot to play with out in the woods.He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target.Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner.As he was walking back he saw Grandma’s pet duck.

After lunch the next day Grandma said, ‘Sally, let’s wash the dishes’

But Sally said, ‘Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the
kitchen.’

Then she whispered to him, ‘Remember the duck?’

So Johnny did the dishes.

Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing
andGrandma said, ‘I’m sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.’

Sally just smiled and said, ‘Well that’s all right because Johnny told
me he wanted to help’

She whispered again, ‘Remember the duck?’ So Sally went fishing and
Johnny stayed to help.

After several day of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally’s; he
finally couldn’t stand it any longer.

He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.

Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, ‘Sweetheart, I know.
You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but
because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you
would let Sally make a slave of you.’

Cant Beat A Trini 

A Trinidadian, a Jamaican, a Barbadian and a Grenadian went to New York for the Labor Day weekend.  To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl, the Grenadian, because he snored so loudly. They decided it wasn’t fair for the same person to stay with Daryl every night, so they voted to take turns.
     
The Jamaican slept with Daryl on the first night and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, ‘Man, what happened to you?’ He said, ‘Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.’
     
The next night it was the Bajan’s turn. In the morning, he arrived for breakfast with hair all disheveled, eyes all blood-shot. They said, ‘Man, what happened to you? You look awful!’ He said, ‘Man, that Daryl! He shakes the roof. I watched him all night.’
     
The third night was the Trinidadian’s turn. Frank was a big burly wrestler from Laventille.  The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and chipper. ‘Good morning,’ he said. The others couldn’t believe it! They said, ‘Man, what happened?’
     
He said, ‘Well, when we got ready for bed I went and tucked Daryl into  bed and kissed him good night … He sat up and watched me all night.’       

Sunbathing Rasta

There was a Rasta man sunbathing in the nude on the beach in Negril.
He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.   The girl came up to him and asked, ‘Wha yuh ‘ave undah de newspaper?’
Thinking quickly, the Ra sta replied, ‘A bird.’
The girl walked away, and the Rasta man fell asleep.
When he woke up, he was in Montego Bay hospital in tremendous pain.  
The police asked him what happened, he says, ‘Mi noh kno. I man was lying on de beach,  dis likkle gal ax me a question, den I man guess man mussah doze off an next ting I man know  is I man deh ya.’  in hospital they so.
The police went to the beach, found the little girl, and asked her, “What did you do to that naked Rasta?’
After a pause, the girl replied, ‘ me neva do nutten to him? Nutten at all.
Me a play wid him bird an it spit pon me.
So, me bruk it neck, crack d egg dem, an set de nest pon fire!’      Speeding senior citizen A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the
dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.“Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-45, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights
flashing and siren blaring.He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this,” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”The old gentleman paused. Then said, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”“Have a good day, sir,” replied the trooper…

 A Matter of Sight 

    The First speaker from England spoke:  “At last years’ conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.”
“After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb.” The crowd cheered.  The second speaker from America spoke: “After last years’ conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his Laundry and that he would have to do it himself. 
After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well.” The crowd cheered. The third speaker from Jamaica spoke: “Hafter las’ year conference wen mi go ome an tell mi usband seh mi nah do nuh more cookin fi im nor cleanin nor shoppin, an dat im woulda haffi do dem imself. 
Hafter di fus day mi nuh si nothin. Hafter di second day, mi still nuh si nothin neither. But hafter di third day, as the swelling go dung, me coulda si a  likkle bit outta mi left eye.”

    A Simple Friend vs A Real Friend vs A Trini Friend

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A TRINI FRIEND CAUSE DE DAMN TEARS IN DE FUS PLACE
 
 A simple friend doesn’t know your parent’s first names.
 A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
 A TRINI FRIEND KNOW WHERE DEY LIVIN’, WHAT DEY COOKIN’ ON WHAT DAY, AND WILL SHOW UP AT THEIR DOORSTEPS
                     
 A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
 A real friend comes early to help you cook and clean
 A TRINI FRIEND COME LATE, BRING A SET OF PEOPLE AND THEN TALK ABOUT YOU WHEN ALL DE FOOD AND BOOZE DONE
 
 A simple friend hates it when you call after they have gone to bed.
 A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
 A TRINI FRIEND SCREENIN’ DE CALL AND DOH ANSWER WHEN IS YOU
                     
 A simple friend seeks to talk with you about their problems.
 A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
 A TRINI FRIEND WILL LISTEN TO YOUR PROBLEMS AND CRY WID YOU, EVEN OFFER TO HELP YOU, THEN TELL EVERYBODY AND ADD A LITTLE MORE JUICE TO THE STORY
                     
 A simple friend wonders about your romantic history,
 A real friend could blackmail you with it.
 A TRINI FRIEND WILL BLACKMAIL YOU AND STILL TELL EVERYBODY
                     
 A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
 A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
 OH GOSH…A TRINI FRIEND OPEN YUH FRIDGE, CLEAN IT OUT, COMPLAIN YUH AIN’T HAVE ENOUGH, THEN TELL DE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD DEY MOUTH WAS DRY.

A Mental Test

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.  Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the  bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Edna’s heroic act, he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Edna the news he said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.” Edna replied “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.”

Ah Cuss Out De Boss  A Fly In The Beer One day, a Trinidadian, a Jamaican, and a Bajan walked into a rum shop together. They proceeded to each buy a Banks Beer.  Just as they where about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their beers.  The Trini pushed his beer away from him in disgust.  The Jamaican fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.  The Bajan picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling. “SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU IGRANT BRUTE!” 

Texas Trooper

Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state trooper pulls them over. The trooper walks up to the drivers side of the car, gets out his billy club and smacks the driver across the face. Stunned, the driver asks, ”Why did you do that??”

The trooper responds, ”You’re in Texas now son, you have that license out and ready around here!”

”I apologize sir, I’m not from around here.”

The trooper then walks to the passenger side of the car, and taps on the window. The

passenger rolls down his window and the trooper takes out his club and smacks the passenger across the face.

”What was that for?” asked the passenger.

”I know your kind,” says the trooper, ”About two miles down the road you would have looked at your buddy and said ‘I wish that son of a bitch would have tried that crap with me!”’

 The CIA had an opening for an assassin

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.“We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.” The first man said.“You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife,”

The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

Italian Mother

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. Anthony lives with a female roommate, Maria.

During the course of the meal, Momma can’t help but notice how pretty Anthony’s roommate was. She had long been suspicious of the relationship between the two, and this made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meets the eye.

Reading his Mom’s thoughts, Anthony volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mama, Maria and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Maria comes to Anthony saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”

“Well, I doubt it, but I’ll e-mail her, just to be sure.” So he sends his Mom an email:

“Dear Momma, I’m not saying that you took the sugar bowl from my house, and I’m not saying that you didn’t take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Anthony”

Several days later, Anthony receives an email response from his Momma.

“Figlio mio, I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Maria, and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.”

New Improved Lawnmowers

One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, “Why are you eating grass”.

The man replied, “I’m so poor, I can”t afford a thing to eat.”

So the layer said, “Poor guy, come back to my house.”

The guys then said, “But I have a wife and three kids.” The lawyer told him to bring them along.

When they were all in the car, the poor man said, “Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you.”

The layer said, “You”re going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall.”